What I’ve learned on SDG:

It always been weird to me as to why we have to take subjects that theoretically have no direct correlation with what we’re majoring in. For example, I’m a law student and here I am taking a Sustainable Development subject. It was absurd for me at first place, but as I learned deeper and went to my classes, it started to make sense to me. Through this semester, there was so much I gained so much knowledge on the Sustainable Development Goals, SDG. We all major in different courses but ironically we are so ignorant in terms of what’s happening around us, but luckily this UNGS subject helped me open my eyes.

First and foremost, we were made to understand what is SDG and its importance. What was the significance of such hassle for the United Nations had to go through to come up with the goals and to ensure all the 193 countries reached it? Well, the SDG is made out of 17 goals covering from ending poverty to the termination of gender inequality and so many more. Generally, the SDG if achieved shall bring a big impact to the world, as it not only promotes peace but also a way better earth to live in. By highlighting also climate change issues and threat to the life under the ocean, it gives a fisheye view to us that not only we should take care of ourselves but also the ones around us because whether directly or indirectly it will also end up affecting us.

Out of all the goals listed, there were a few that really intrigued me and sparked the fire the need of change in me is goal 5, gender equality. In Malaysia, although present, the gender discriminatory is not as obvious as other places but that does not mean we can overlook such matters. Gender inequality appears in all sorts of forms such as the lack of political representation for women, sexual violence and the deprivation of basic education and healthcare. As a girl myself, I feel that is a responsibility for me to stand up and empower the girls around me. We have to start voicing out biases in classes and workplaces. Sexual jokes should be addressed and not ignored just because they say it’s a ‘joke’. Rape culture where victim blaming has been excruciatingly common has to be abolished. No matter where we’re from, gender inequality is a basic human right. It infuriates me when women are considered weak and too emotional to lead, receive misogynistic comments and have to live with it because it’s already considered a norm.

Next is a subject I have always been actively following which is climate change. Goal 13, climate action centres around the urge for us to fight our number one threat. Throughout the years, our global temperature has surged more than it did for the past 50 years. The increasing carbon dioxide is a huge contributor to such changes. If left unbothered, much worse side effects shall take place and at one point it will be irreversible. The planet is already paying the price which can be the melting of the Artics, the intensified forest fires annually, the mass extinction of numerous species and many more. To reverse our own damage, everyone, especially big companies and authorities have to take desperate and drastic measures. One of them is the signing of the Paris Agreement, where the countries are committed in reducing the production of carbon footprints. However, we as normal civilians also have a role to play such as recycling, reducing our waste and being an activist. All efforts no matter how small shall not remain unseen. 

In conclusion, the knowledge of SDG is crucial to allow us to make necessary changes in order to help achieve the goals. There are many more goals I did not mention in this entry, but they are all equally important and should be addressed. I’m grateful to have a chance to learn this subject as it opened my eyes to how important it is to fight for change. However, just like a quote I once read, ‘in the age of information, being ignorant is a choice.’ Therefore, it is our responsibility to acquire the knowledge to bring changes to the world. 

Hi everyone! In the picture above is me with one of my most treasured things I have, which is my handbag I got for my 18^th birthday last year. I have had a few other handbags from the past, but what makes this one special is the quality and design of it. However, I’ve never really thought on how and where did it came from. Have you ever wondered how things are made? Even the simplest of stuff came from the most detailed and complex ways. The decisions made along the way also affects a lot of things.

• For example, my handbag is made by polypyrene, a synthetic material to replace leather. All these years, leather always had a reputation for good and luxurious handbags. However, it affected the environment horribly as Intensive farming is responsible of 18% of the total greenhouse gas emissions every year. Tannery, the skin leather process also causes a huge amount of pollution into rivers. Such as the the Buriganga river in Bangladesh the city’s pollution is so high that no fishes nor no plants can live in there anymore due to tanneries. Thus, changing leather to synthetic materials benefit us environmentally.

• Due to the reduced demand of leather these days as we have cheaper and more convenient alternatives, it also affects us economically. While the most valuable parts of animals are those sold as ground beef or steaks, remnants such as bones, blood and fat end up in things like fertilizer, gelatin, medicines and textiles. Hides, or the one used for leather account for about 44% of the slaughtered animal’s weight but less than 10% of its value, government data show. Hides are the key ingredient in a global market for leather goods that was worth $93.2 billion in 2016, but decreased to almost 13% every year. Thus, the value of hides is now cheaper as they now hit the lowest price since 2009.

• Last but not least, when demand of leather drops it does also affect us socially, especially in terms of public health. Leather tannery is a process to avoid the skin to rot and to make it water resistant but it uses a lot of in tanneries or in their close areas. More than 80% of the leather is tanned using chromium leading to almost 16 millions of people exposed to the dangers of this product according to the NGO Pure Earth. 3 million of people are affected by diseases linked to the presence of chromium in their daily environment. Furthermore, it is to be noted that the chemical component used in tanneries don’t disappear on their own and can often be encountered in the final product exposing the danger to not only the workers but also us as the customers.

As a conclusion, my favorite handbag made out of synthetic material has connected the 3 pillars of sustainability without me realizing all this while. Always bear in mind all the decisions we make big or small will always have it consequences towards our environment, economics and social.

all my life i found it ridiculous when people say “you are not able to love others if you don’t love yourself.” because i spent most of my time being alive hating myself, but oh my god i loved alot of people. i loved my mother, how she hugs me a little longer when im saying goodbye. i loved my father, how he subtly ask me if im okay. i loved my 5th grade english teacher, as she teaches me life is more than pleasing others. i loved and loved, and oh god i loved you. i hated every piece of myself but i loved you.

i loved so dangerously that i learned to take risks i wasn’t even sure of. i loved you so much that everything else was a blur. i loved you so much that i chocked you with all possible ways to show you i loved. i loved and loved, or at least i thought i did.

till i learned, depending all your self worth on a person isn’t love. burdening someone with the responsibility of making you happy isn’t love. making them grasp desperately for air isn’t love.

you’ll not love them in the way we are supposed to be. as you’ll be holding them, but also holding them back. you’ll love, but at what cost? for not only you’re hurting them, but also yourself. so yes, you still can love, but you’ll never love right.

– love is fragile, as it breaks and shatters you into parts. love is strength, as it holds you together even with the strongest of waves hitting your shore. love is peace, as it brings serenity to the rushing of our minds. love is insanity, as it makes you lose control on everything especially yourself. love is art, not necessarily nice but makes you feel something.

love is also snorting at your jokes 3 am while others are fast asleep. love is saying the wrong things at wrong time. love is making it work one more time. love is eating cheap food from convenience stores after movies. love is crying to each other when the world seems crushing under. love is sleepy voices trying to talk. love is stupid fights when we miss each other.

but then again, love is indescribable. in other words, love is you.

have you went through something that broke you into little pieces? oh wait, let me rephrase that, have you ever went through something that shattered you? to the extent where you felt it was impossible to glue every part back together? well i have. and the thing about getting your heart shattered is not about fixing it back to its original shape, but its about making sure it actually stays together. and i wouldn’t even wish it on my worst enemies. i wouldn’t wish the pain of knowing that you haven’t actually healed from the one thing that you’re running from on anybody. yes, the tragedy broke you, but the healing will kill you if you don’t do it right.

the way i healed is not something i am necessarily proud of, but i’m not ashamed about it either. for months end, i kept ruminating the past, the pain. i replayed conversations, i thought of all the things i should have done differently, i made up scenarios to the extent it made it look like what happened was way worse than it actually did. i kept resentment, anger and disappointment to the people around me, especially myself. and the worst part of it all is i didn’t admit it, i didn’t want to seem weak, so i forced the narrative of a ‘good’ person in my persona. i told myself that i was a good enough person to forgive and forget, that i was matured and my life was way better off this way. well not that i am surprised,but it didn’t work.

i grew tired of crying, of hurting myself, of hiding what i really felt inside. so that’s why i’m here. i’m here to tell well maybe not everyone, but at least to admit to myself that i still haven’t moved on from what happened. that the wound they inflicted on me haven’t healed just yet. and i’m okay with it. i began to understand that i don’t have to forget things just to convince myself that i’m a ‘good’ person. i realized that even i was a good person, does that cancels out the fact that i had feelings?

i’m learning that not everyone has a heart like yours, not everyone feel things as sincere as you. the truth is sometimes the things you wouldn’t do to others, they will do to you. and you have every right to feel sad about it. oh for fucks sake, you have every right to cry, shout and scream for no matter how long you want. but here’s the thing, you DON’T deserve that.

you see, you’ve been through the pain in the past, it shattered you. it broke you in ways you wouldn’t think it was possible. but you’re past that already, you’ve cried about it enough, you stabbed your own wound for way too long. and after all that horror, it never occurred to you that you deserve happiness? that you deserve all the love the people around have been trying to give? the love that you were dying to give yourself? why do you keep scratching the wound and let it bleed over and over again? why are you stopping yourself from happiness when it already suffered enough from the hands of others?

i realized i deserve so much after going through what i gone through. i had to forget what happened, not because what they did to me was OK, or justified, but because it didn’t matter anymore. because i deserve the peace. as what they say, let bygones be bygones. i’m a whole different person now, i’m stronger, probably wiser in a sense, and i was so much more less dependent on anything anymore. i learned i actually had the resilience to go through what i thought i would crumble at.

i forgived them a while now, but i think its time to forget. its time to forget so i can now forgive myself. and that is how, i let go.

it’s easy to say you love someone, it’s easy to say you’ll always be there, it’s easy to say they’re all you want. but what makes you choke and slander your words is when you notice that you don’t anymore. the first phase is always denial, till the point you’d go too hard on yourself. you’d force yourself to feel things that’s no longer there. you’ll say things you don’t mean and it’ll make you feel so guilty.

and it makes you sick to your stomach, it’ll make you angry because deep down you know you’re not supposed to give up no matter how hard things. you’ve been left before, so you’re not supposed to be the one leaving this time right? you’re supposed to love harder and go through storms for this person. your feet may shake and your arms may break, but you promised them the world, and you’ll do whatever it takes.

but darling, i hope you know that it’s okay. it’s okay to outgrow the people you love. it’s okay if holding on makes you feel pain and letting go becomes the only choice you have. people fall in love and out every day. you’ve done enough, you’ve fought all the battles more than you should have and you said everything that has to be said. you’ll be okay, they’ll be okay, but maybe just not together. it’s not your fault and neither theirs.

sometimes love grows a little too big for you. it’s like the old childhood sweater you used to love but don’t fit anymore. it’ll always have a place in your heart, but you know you can’t be with it anymore. and that’s okay.

Dear insecurity
​When you gonna take your hands off me?
​When you ever gonna let me be
​Proud of who I am?
​Oh insecurity
​When you gonna take your hands off me?
​When you ever gonna let me be
​Just the way I am?
Dear insecurity I hate the way you make me feel
I hate the things you make me think
​You make me sick to my stomach
​I wish that I wasn’t me
​Some days, when I wake up I see myself in the mirror
I feel like what shouldn’t be couldn’t be clearer
​My nose to my clothes, from my chin to my skin
I’ll never be good enough ever again
For you, so I changed for you
Then I’d died for you, then you made me blue
​If I were you, I’d hate me too
​But I already feel like you do
Because​, you tell me I’m not worth shit
And the bad luck’s on purpose
And if I’m sad then I deserve it
But underneath the surface
I’m hurting, searching and learning
​My imperfections make me perfect

gnash